What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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