my phone needs a breathalizer
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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