whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
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