I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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