I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
