help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
