Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
