I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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