I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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