Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
