hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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