..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you inspire me to be a worse person
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Come back. Shots need mouths.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize