You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
