Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
