epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
