Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
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