Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
