Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
