We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize