my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
