he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
