No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
