if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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