i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i wish my penis had a tongue
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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