i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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