omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
