WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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