Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
