I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
