this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
