Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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