get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
