He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
