i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize