i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
