Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
