If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm at about main and main street
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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