Don't make out with my wife yet
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize