Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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