You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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