she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
