I got chris browned last night
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
