I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
