my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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