honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
