her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I will be naked everywhere
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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