Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
