It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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