i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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