Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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