she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
