I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
