I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
