I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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