he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
