He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you traded sex for a burrito?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
