My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
