We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
