i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
