if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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