Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
