i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize