Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
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