I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
it's great music for shaving your balls
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize