A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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