i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
