Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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