i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
