The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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