Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
