The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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