So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
