ADVERTISEMENT

• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Because men are children

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Touche

  Fav 217 1816 3894

  share tweet
  

• (706): View more from Georgia

  the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.

  Fav 10 5845 1039

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (808): View more from Hawaii

  Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?

  Fav 20 5706 1090

  share tweet
  

• (613): View more from Ontario

  my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy

  Fav 19 1917 3906

  share tweet
  

• (678): View more from Georgia

  found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i mean you met him at the daytona 500

  Fav 32 1127 5088

  share tweet
  

• (330): View more from Ohio

  White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.

  Fav 5 2156 939

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (254): View more from Texas

  Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.

  Fav 9 1326 1027

  share tweet
  

• (203): View more from Connecticut

  The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow

  Fav 7 870 1292

  share tweet
  

• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.

  Fav 3 1277 681

  share tweet
  

• (604): View more from British Columbia

  He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.

  Fav 0 563 722

  share tweet
  

• (+61): View more from Australia

  I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business

  Fav 1 847 345

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (406): View more from Montana

  I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday

  Fav 1 298 193

  share tweet
  

• (904): View more from Florida

  I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  its not chili. and you brought it.

  Fav 0 25 57

  share tweet
  

• (630): View more from Illinois

  My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.

  Fav 0 94 7

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.

  Fav 0 15 17

  share tweet
  

Randomize