the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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