i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
